Judgement

So over the last few weeks I have been experiencing some life changing moments in my life. I finally realized what really holds me back from giving me my most honest work and what truly is hurting me on a personal level. Judgement. We all do it everyday. Judgement is normal. I am sure that we do not even realize it at times we are judging others and ourselves. Throughout my life its been hard to get anyone to except me for who I am. I am different and I dont see what is so bad about that. There is nothing wrong with it. It hurts me when people judge me because I am different. But more importantly is that I myself to not judge myself so harshly. All my life I have been wanting to prove that I am good enough and that I worth someones time. I work so hard and I feel after I get critiqued by someone that I internalize it and then just slap myself in the face because I am not "good enough"! I am good enough! I do not know why I do this to myself but its hard to see that I am so harsh on myself. At times I get told I am over achiever. Which is true at times but thats how I was raised. I want to go on that stage and give the audience the 200% performance not the 100% performance. I feel that its been motivation for me at times but I feel that since its a given for me that its time to have a change of realization. One I am not going to get it right. Its ok, thats whats life about. I am going to be ok. Judgement is natural but it can hurt you. Being part of the entertainment business requires a lot of strength because of judgement and opinion and so many other aspects that come into play. I one goal that I decided that is going to benefit me was not judging myself so hard. I am good enough, I have been told that many times. I have to be honest with myself and allow myself to go and work on goals and not push so hard on judging myself to were it starts to hurt personally. Then I wonder why I ever really started judging myself so hard? When did it even start? Who knows? But what I do know is that its been going on for to long. I did take the time to actually figure this out for my benefit and I really have been doing this all my life because of what others around me have done to me. Its so weird. My life has been a roller coaster ride that just mystifies in the air and I let something so simple get in my way..... Ya one thing I want in my life is a no judgement policy. This policy to me would not to judge based off looks, personality, opinions etc... Its a great way to be open to the world. I think this world would be a better place if we did not judge so harshly. Now there are times when we have to judge like for jobs and and competitions. You do have to have opinions in these situations and that is fine but on a personal level I feel that is where we as people should allow others to be who they are. To live life with someone excepting them. Really that is one of the few things life I would just love to have. Sadly I do not think that is ever truly going to happen anytime soon, for me at least. I have a close family that cares for me and loves me and for who I am. The musical theatre program has been such an influence on my life that I have literally have grown up because of their love. The Passion I get in that environment is just so fresh and joyous. It truly drives me. I am grateful for that in my life.

So recently I really have been quite annoyed with people judging me because of my career choice. Yes its different. I love the stage. You would never want me to be your child's math teacher or english teacher or your accountant. Its not my thing and also I am not that great at those things. Yes I can do the basics but if you ever wanted me to do more then well.... That would just be story for the storybooks. We all have our talents and skills in life. I am good actor that wants a career on the stage and to give an audience that moment of hope and joy. The thought, the energy. The place where you can run away for a few minutes from reality. The theatre really is an outlet for me to run into another world for a few minutes. To be honest and living myself is all I want and the theatre does that for me. So please do not judge me for what I do for a career. To tell you the truth, I wish I was good at math because then I might be able to understand Music theory better and be able to do different things like chemistry. There are things in life that I will never be good at and thats ok. Why should I judge myself so hard? There is no reason for it. I am good enough and so is everyone in this world. We just have to find what makes us happy. The video that is posted above really touched me because its so true. I hope I get it right. And then this other video below I think is so fun. I feel it shows that people are strong and we can put up with crap but we never truly have to deal with it when people take a step to far.

Live life to the fullest and try not to judge yourself and others so harshly.

Stop and Relax!

This week has been a very interesting week. I have had three friends faint in public this week. One friend that told me she was pregnant. One very close friend that currently lives in Hawaii and experienced an insane Tsunami! And me of course catching myself stressing over stupid things before going into another panic attack. There are so many things we all have to worry about within a day that it makes us feel our lives are absolutely insane! Have you ever just told yourself to stop and relax?

Yesterday I told myself to stop and relax because I literally just stressing over nothing. Everyone I think needs to stop and relax every once in a while. If not then I would just figure you are going to burst or go nuts eventually. But what I consider healthy on keeping your mental stability in line is to at least take 30 minutes to 1 hour of your day to stop and relax. I feel it is very healthy to do this because it allows the body recoup itself and also allow you as human being to do what you need to do for your body. If it means go play a game of basketball, sleep, watch a movie, watch a TV show, make a snack, will only help yourself from not running out of energy. You might say I dont have that kind of time. Well if you work at a desk all day, you can always stop and have a small snack, stretch at your desk, make a phone call to a family member and catch up. There are many things to do with a few minutes of relaxing. Take the time to actually relax and enjoy life.

Here are some things that would help anyone within their everyday life:
1. Drink up to 8 glasses of water a day
2. Make sure you are getting enough sleep.
3. Try to make time to relax. Stressing will cause muscle tension and tighten the voice.
4. Make sure you get some type of physical exercise in daily.
5. Keep nutrition in mind. Never skip a meal. Your body needs consistent nourishment for you to go with your daily schedule. The more busy you the more important this is! Avoid high fatty foods. (This is a hard one for everyone) Fats take alot of your energy to digest.

There are many more things I could put on this list but those are just basics. We all have to be careful what we do to our bodies to make sure we are physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy because if we are not then we will not be able to keep going. We all need to take time in our day to stop and relax. If you are not doing this now. Try it you might like it.

Though life is like a Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride, WE have the power to stop and relax. Be creative with that time when you relax. You could work on an art project. I have a latch hook I work on every once in a while I take these breaks. If your passionate about a sport or an art, during your break go enjoy that passion! If you need to just take a nap, take a nap. There are so many things we can do with our time. Take advantage to stop and relax.

Individuality

There is a quote that I have loved and have used for inspiration throughout my life. "It's easy to stand with the crowd. It takes courage to stand alone." I wish I knew who wrote this quote.... This quote I feel is a true statement to individuality. When I came across this quote when I was 14, I thought it was cool and had it put on my wall in my room. About a year later it came upon me that it did not matter what others thought of me as long as I was being true to myself and had a support system of my family. There is nothing wrong about being yourself. As long as you are honest and true to yourself, no one can deny it. That in itself will only allow others to respect you and your values. 

During my youth I was never excepted for who I was. Though it was hard for me to see my peers and my neighbors not except me for who I truly was, I really think it only made me stronger. I lived in a very conservative city during my childhood. Being different was considered a bad thing.... Weird I know, because no one is the same. We are all different! Why is being different considered a bad thing? If you look at entertainments most successful people ever, you will always consider the successful people Different and Unique! For example: Lady Gaga! She is true to herself! She lets her differences be her strengths! She is extremely creative. She has some of the most interesting ideas I think I seen! She is Passionate about what she does! She experiences Life! She stands out because she she took the courage to stand alone! 

Being an individual is not a bad thing! We are all different in our own way! I am glad that I am different because throughout my life I have experienced life in ways that I have never thought I would because I was being myself. As an actor being yourself and knowing who you are is so important! My individuality is unique and no one can take that away from me. No one can take that away from you! 

 
The reason I write this is because me and mom (Lisa) and I were talking about this tonight. I was talking about the musical Hair when this came up. The song "Where do I go" is a perfect example of this! Just so you know what is going on during this part of the musical, if you do not know what this musical is have never seen the show, This is were the tribe and has burnt their draft cards into the fire. Since this is illegal they are on there own. Since bringing up the song "Where do I go". As the song is in progression you see and experience that symbolic energy of individuality. Its such a powerful moment in the show and makes this musical so unique! They have found inner and true individuality! They created a revolution of individuality! If you know the song "Aquarius" (from the same musical) if you notice in the lyrics you see that individuality and revolution are all within the subtext of the song. "This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius" What do these lyrics mean to you? This is one of my favorite musicals and I recommend everyone to see it. But I must say this so we are all on the same page. I am not responsible for you getting offended by what I like and think is a great piece of art. If you do not do your research before seeing a production it is your own fault. I will not apologies for you getting offended if you do not do your research. When doing your research you are protecting yourself from getting into a situation that you do not want to be in.

Now back on a lighter note. Individuality is unique and beautiful! Don't be someone else! Be yourself! Be an individual because being yourself is cool!