Judgement

So over the last few weeks I have been experiencing some life changing moments in my life. I finally realized what really holds me back from giving me my most honest work and what truly is hurting me on a personal level. Judgement. We all do it everyday. Judgement is normal. I am sure that we do not even realize it at times we are judging others and ourselves. Throughout my life its been hard to get anyone to except me for who I am. I am different and I dont see what is so bad about that. There is nothing wrong with it. It hurts me when people judge me because I am different. But more importantly is that I myself to not judge myself so harshly. All my life I have been wanting to prove that I am good enough and that I worth someones time. I work so hard and I feel after I get critiqued by someone that I internalize it and then just slap myself in the face because I am not "good enough"! I am good enough! I do not know why I do this to myself but its hard to see that I am so harsh on myself. At times I get told I am over achiever. Which is true at times but thats how I was raised. I want to go on that stage and give the audience the 200% performance not the 100% performance. I feel that its been motivation for me at times but I feel that since its a given for me that its time to have a change of realization. One I am not going to get it right. Its ok, thats whats life about. I am going to be ok. Judgement is natural but it can hurt you. Being part of the entertainment business requires a lot of strength because of judgement and opinion and so many other aspects that come into play. I one goal that I decided that is going to benefit me was not judging myself so hard. I am good enough, I have been told that many times. I have to be honest with myself and allow myself to go and work on goals and not push so hard on judging myself to were it starts to hurt personally. Then I wonder why I ever really started judging myself so hard? When did it even start? Who knows? But what I do know is that its been going on for to long. I did take the time to actually figure this out for my benefit and I really have been doing this all my life because of what others around me have done to me. Its so weird. My life has been a roller coaster ride that just mystifies in the air and I let something so simple get in my way..... Ya one thing I want in my life is a no judgement policy. This policy to me would not to judge based off looks, personality, opinions etc... Its a great way to be open to the world. I think this world would be a better place if we did not judge so harshly. Now there are times when we have to judge like for jobs and and competitions. You do have to have opinions in these situations and that is fine but on a personal level I feel that is where we as people should allow others to be who they are. To live life with someone excepting them. Really that is one of the few things life I would just love to have. Sadly I do not think that is ever truly going to happen anytime soon, for me at least. I have a close family that cares for me and loves me and for who I am. The musical theatre program has been such an influence on my life that I have literally have grown up because of their love. The Passion I get in that environment is just so fresh and joyous. It truly drives me. I am grateful for that in my life.

So recently I really have been quite annoyed with people judging me because of my career choice. Yes its different. I love the stage. You would never want me to be your child's math teacher or english teacher or your accountant. Its not my thing and also I am not that great at those things. Yes I can do the basics but if you ever wanted me to do more then well.... That would just be story for the storybooks. We all have our talents and skills in life. I am good actor that wants a career on the stage and to give an audience that moment of hope and joy. The thought, the energy. The place where you can run away for a few minutes from reality. The theatre really is an outlet for me to run into another world for a few minutes. To be honest and living myself is all I want and the theatre does that for me. So please do not judge me for what I do for a career. To tell you the truth, I wish I was good at math because then I might be able to understand Music theory better and be able to do different things like chemistry. There are things in life that I will never be good at and thats ok. Why should I judge myself so hard? There is no reason for it. I am good enough and so is everyone in this world. We just have to find what makes us happy. The video that is posted above really touched me because its so true. I hope I get it right. And then this other video below I think is so fun. I feel it shows that people are strong and we can put up with crap but we never truly have to deal with it when people take a step to far.

Live life to the fullest and try not to judge yourself and others so harshly.