Embracing the Ugly

Human beings are very complex and messy. Human nature itself is a complicated structure to fully understand as a whole. But what we can know about humans is through our own experiences and what we interpret from others. Just recently I was in a dance class at BDC (Broadway Dance Center) and we were discussing being true and honest with ourselves from moment to moment while telling a story. This often brings things out of people that 'they' and many other people do not want people to see. It is the ugly within ourselves that we often try to hide or facade from others to try or gain others approval. To show how you truly feel from moment to moment I actually think is very vulnerable and brave. It is not easy. It is one of the reasons I love acting because living from moment to moment is like roller coaster. Life really is a roller coaster. You can create feelings but really living and just letting everything go around you and having a sense of that surrounding and being brave to truly express how you feel I find is absolutely beautiful no matter how ugly it gets.
Lately I have been having a hard time being vulnerable and open to how I feel in my personal life. Embracing my ugly is something I have been exploring the last week or two in understanding why being vulnerable has been hard for me. Being vulnerable is something I would describe as sensitive and delicate. To be vulnerable is to be open, honest, revealing. In knowledge of that, we must also understand we as humans will have shields. We would never survive as a human if we didn't have some sort of protection for ourselves. Humans are messy. Every human has a heart and no one wants their heart, mind, soul or being stomped on and thrown out the window into the garbage shoot.
But here is my question to you: When does shielding yourself become of a hindrance to the human experience?
Personally. I had a lot barriers around me when I was younger. During my teenage years I feel I put so many shields up to protect myself that in many ways I feel I was not living. I was just trying to survive. I can vividly remember trying take down many of my barriers in college. I remember it was a really rough experience. Embracing the good and the bad of me was not easy. And I don't think its easy for anyone really. Being honest with yourself and seeing all the colors of your being is like a dynamic pool of vibrations that never stops. Our colors will change from time to time but we have to embrace the ugly of it all.
 Now I ask you this. What about enjoying the ugly? Is it so bad to allow ourselves to look in a mirror and say its ok that this part of who I am is ugly? To acknowledge the baggage that we carry is sometimes ugly and know that its ok. If we can accept who we are then life's doors will open. Others will embrace you and your ugly. Granted saying this is a lot easier said than done. 'The fact of storytelling hints at a fundamental human unease, hints at human imperfection. Where there is perfection there is no story to tell.'-Ben Okri As my mentor and manager has always told me 'Our imperfections are our greatest beauties.' Embracing the Ugly sometimes is exactly what we need in our lives. Live to Love. Live to be You. Live to be Free. Embracing who we are and facing the ugly sides of ourselves can be hard but if we try to open up and talk about it with the ones we trust and love, it is then we start living.